Sex Dreams That Don’t Mean What You Think They Do

This isn’t apropos of anything. I just found myself on a dream interpretation website and thought I’d bring it to 11points. I like dream interpretation — nothing is what it seems, everything means something else. No matter what Freud said, a cigar is never a cigar.

For today, I’m analyzing 11 different sex dream subjects to let you know what they REALLY mean. 

  1. If you dream about… a dominatrix it means that… you’re looking to find God. Apparently, dreaming that you’re a dominatrix means you’re looking to step up your spirituality. Not sure how digging your spiked high heel into someone until they say the safety word (most likely “razzmatazz”) is a sign that you’re looking to be born again, but hey, who am I to argue with abook?
  2. If you dream about… watching someone get naked it means that… you’re compassionate. Watching someone get undressed shows you want to understand that person better so you can empathize and become more comfortable with them. I suppose this even applies if you’re watching them get undressed through binoculars outside their window.
  3. If you dream about… castration it means that… you feel uncreative. Makes sense, getting your genitals lopped off is akin to not being able to express yourself by painting seascapes or making a bunch of pots.
  4. If you dream about... orgies it means that… you need to have fewer hobbies. Take a note: If, in your dream, you’re getting spread too thin by simultaneous sex with a half dozen people… maybe it means you’re getting spread too thin in real life. So give up stamp collecting or you’re going to keep dreaming of getting gangbanged.
  5. If you dream about… an erection it means that… you should finally start writing that novel you’re always talkin’ about. Erections don’t mean erections in dreams. They mean you have power and energy you need to use, and, most commonly, use in a creative way.

  6. If you dream about… wearing a chastity belt it means that… you’re too protective. Clearly. If you want to put your lady genitalia under lock-and-key, it’s a sign that you need to relax.
  7. If you dream about… condoms it means that… well, it depends on the condom. If the condom is wrapped, it means you need to start letting other people voice their opinions.
    If you’re a woman and you dream about a man wearing a condom, it means you feel emotional protected. And finally, if the condom is unwrapped, it means you’re sexually frustrated (naturally, because every dream interpretation has to be the opposite of logical).
  8. If you dream about… incest it means that... you forgive a family member for an argument. Seriously. Your subconscious mind rewards them sexually. And yes, that’s gross, but it doesn’t mean (1) you’re sexually attracted to your sister or (2) that you should take the dream as a sign and act on it in real life. She gives you a nice birthday present, just thank her with a heartfelt hug.
  9. If you dream about… performing oral sex on yourself it means that…you’re a selfish bastard. But hey, I respect you for dreaming of something so ambitious.
  10. If you dream about… being gay it means that… you’re not gay. It just means that you accept yourself and you’re compassionate.
  11. But if you dream about… being bisexual it means that… you’re gay. And those two interpretations back-to-back really sum up the seemingly random and illogical art of dream interpretation.
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Places to Visit During Chocolate Week

Europe goes chocolate crazy in October, with major fairs and celebrations – but you can become a chocolate tourist almost anywhere. 

The United Kingdom has declared this week Chocolate Week. Normally we’d scoff and cry “shameless marketeering”.

But when it involves chocolate, that simple blend of cocoa, milk and sugar that can turn any forlorn depressive into a smiling, sighing blob of bliss, we say “why not?”

Chocolate tourism has now gone global, so here are 10 top adventures around the world for chocoholics.

 1. Make chocolate on a cocoa plantation, St. Lucia

The Hotel Chocolat

Discover the roots of your chocolate addiction.

British chocolate makers Hotel Chocolat have opened a hotel on their St. Lucia plantation. When not sunning, swimming or relaxing in their “cocoa pods”, as rooms are dubbed, guests can visit the plantation, lend the harvesters a hand and enjoy a “tree-to-bar” experience, in which they partake in every step of making their own confectionery.
Prices: Rooms from US$450
The Hotel Chocolat, Rabot Estate, Soufriere, St. Lucia, West Indies; +1 800 757 7132; www.thehotelchocolat.com

2. Visit artisan chocolate-makers in Tuscany’s Chocolate Valley

chocolate tours

And you thought eating chocolate was easy.

Tuscany may be better known for its wines and picturesque hill towns, but the region’s Chocolate Valley is becoming a must-see. The area is famous for fine chocolate makers including Bianchini, Enoteca Pinchiorri, Slitti and Catinari-Agliana, plus the chocolate factories of De Bondt and Amedei – rated by many the world’s most gourmet chocolate.
Four-day tour from $1792 at www.seventypercent.com

 3. Stuff yourself at a chocolate bar, United States

Langham Boston

Whose round? I’ll have a pint of truffles.

Boston’s chocoholics creep into the historic downtown Langham Hotel on Saturdays to stuff themselves at an all-you-can-eat chocolate bar.

Fare includes a legendary chocolate croissant bread pudding as well as the usual truffles, whoopie pies and choccie sculptures.
Prices: Adults US$40, under-12s US$28
Langham Boston, 250 Franklin St., Boston, Massachusetts, United States; +1 617 451 1900; boston.langhamhotels.com

4. “Choc around the clock walk,” Belgium

www.choco-late.be

Choc mate.

This little country has made itself synonymous with good chocolate, and its most picturesque city, Bruges, goes mad with a “Choc in Bruges” month starting November 6.

There’s a “choc around the clock” walk, a museum dedicated to the luscious confection and a choice of creative chocolate menus in 14 different restaurants. The pinnacle is the Choco Laté Festival, from November 13-18, featuring more than three dozen of the city’s chocolate shops.

Bruges Belfry, Bruges, Belgium, www.choco-late.be

5. Mayan chocolate massage, Mexico

chocolate massage

Yes, I’m a chocoholic. Rub it in, why don’t you.

As the Mayans invented and revered chocolate, it’s natural they would find meaning in rubbing it all over themselves as well as drinking the stuff.

At the Tides Riviera Maya, the Xocolate ritual is performed with due ceremony in a semi-al fresco treatment room in the middle of the jungle. Cocoa shells are used to slough off dead skin cells before massaging the whole bod with warm cocoa butter — and the whole ritual starts with a shamanic blessing.

Prices: Xocolate ritual US$220, rooms from US$585
Playa Xcalacoco Frac 7, Quintana Roo, Mexico; +1 310 752 0960; www.tidesrivieramaya.com
6. Cook like a chocolate pro, France
Valrhona

Become the best girl/boyfriend ever.

But you don’t have to be a pro to take a one- or two-day course in their chocolate cookery school. The nearest airport is Lyon, a gourmet town full of artisan chocolate-makers — but there are also branches of the school in Paris and Tokyo.
Prices: US$385 for a two-day course

Valrhona, 8 quai du General de Gaulle, Tain l’Hermitage, France; +33 4 75 07 90 95; ecole-gourmet.valrhona.com

7. Enjoy an in-room chocolate fountain, England

Chocolate Boutique Hotel

Taking the pillow chocolate concept to a whole new level.
This small hotel on England’s south coast will deliver a chocolate fountain to your room with strawberries for dipping, and offer you a truffle-making workshop in their kitchen.
Naturally, the whole place is decked out in shades of chocolate and cream, there are choccie cocktails and breakfast includes chocolate crepes and the best hot chocolate you’re likely to taste outside Bruges (see above).
Prices: Rooms from US$165 double, chocolate-making workshops from US$74
Chocolate Boutique Hotel, 5 Durley Road, Bournemouth, Dorset, England; +44 1202 556 857; www.thechocolateboutiquehotel.co.uk

8. Chocolate and wine matching, Australia

 Hahndorf Hill Winery

Perfect partner to a Pinot Noir.
Hahndorf Hill Winery in the Adelaide Hills is famous for chocolate and wine pairings, featuring gourmet chocolate of single origin by the world’s top producers and confections by local artisan chocolatier Steven ter Horst.
Their ChocoVino Experience has been rated as one of the top 10 food and wine touring options in South Australia, and teetotalers are welcome to taste the chocolate too.
Prices: From US$10 or US$20 with wine
Hahndorf Hill Winery, Hahndorf, South Australia; +61 8 8388 7512; www.hahndorfhillwinery.com.au 

9. Get wrapped in chocolate, Austria Hotel Sacher

“Sweet chocolate body care.” Just the sound of it will make you melt.
The two-hour treat involves being peeled with a purifying cocoa bean extract, wrapped in a rich chocolate body mask and getting professionally caressed with something described as “sweet chocolate body care.”
Prices: Treatment US$250, room rates from US$508 Hotel Sacher
Philharmonikerstrasse 4, Vienna, Austria; +43 1 514560; www.lhw.com/sacher
10. Chocolate Dream Park, China China Chocolate Dream
Chocolate handbags, for the woman who wants it all … to eat.
Last year it was Beijing; this December, it will be Shanghai’s turn to host the annual Chocolate Dream Park, which has become an annual highlight of the Chinese winter.
Nearly half a million visitors are expected at this year’s chocolate wonderland, packed with beautifully crafted works of edible art. They will include Shanghai’s most iconic architectural landmarks – all made out of chocolate.Himalayan Centre, Pudong, December 16-February 19, 2012

 Thanks, Anthea!

5 Addictive Things You Do Every Day

Addiction is a funny thing in our culture – people who are actually addicted to a substance actively deny it (“I just like to smoke!”), while other people claim addiction for every random thing they happen to enjoy (“I’m addicted to these delicious candy bars!”).

But as science gets a better understanding of how addiction works in the brain, suddenly a whole lot of our everyday habits make more sense. Things like …

#5. Listening to Pop Music

Yes, pop music is basically cranial crack, to the point that scientists have actually been able to predict which songs would become big sellers by hooking kids up to an MRI scanner and playing previously unheard pop tunes for them. When a future hit came on, the pleasure centre of the brain lit up like a Christmas tree.

Pop music is something that tends to divide people in ways normally reserved for large military conflicts. Its advocates idolize the artists and their music, while its opponents brand anyone interested in pop as mindless drones who don’t know “real” music. But while one can hate Lady Gaga all he wants, there’s no changing the fact that she has sold over 64 million records, and the sales of her last album actually caused Amazon.com’s servers to crash.

 #4. Eating Salty and Spicy Snacks
Sweet foods make sense – cells use sugar as their primary source of energy. Your body knows this, so it rewards you for cramming your mouth full of it (to the point that it keeps tasting good to us right up until we’ve eaten so much that we need a scooter to get around). But why are we so into salt? After all, salt is just tiny freaking rocks. Or, even weirder, stuff that burns our tongue? What exactly are potato chips and jalapeno-flavored everything doing for us?

The chemicals in spicy food irritate the trigeminal nerve, which is responsible for, oh, not much, just all the sensation in your goddamned face. Scientists theorize that the irritation causes the brain to release endorphins to ease the discomfort by, well, giving the eater a natural high. And like any high, you want it again, and to make it more intense. That’s right — people who love spicy foods are addicted to pain.

 #3. Using Lip Balm
… there are actual websites out there dedicated solely to helping people overcome their lip balm addiction. There are actual living and breathing people claiming to be addicted to goddamn ChapStick.

The mention that the supposed buzz you get from using lip balm is actually caused by the menthol, camphor and phenol used in it. Now wait just a second. Phenol? The same phenol that is corrosive to the eyes, skin and respiratory tract, and is also used as an embalming agent? The same phenol that can cause instantaneous death after injecting one gram?

#2. Tanning
I’m skipping this one…cause we’re a perfectly tanned lot 😛 😛

Maybe sunscreen would be our addiction.

#1. Chewing Ice
Ice chewing, or pagophagia, is a subset of a larger disorder known as pica, which causes people to crave things with no nutritional value (including much rarer and weirder compulsions like dirt, paper, chalk or even feces). Ice chewing specifically usually indicates iron deficiency, and chewers may actually be subconsciously trying to get the nutrients they’re lacking from the water. This is further evidenced by the fact that ice actually tastes better to an anemic person, presumably because the brain is jonesing for a fix of that sweet, sweet Fe.

Thanks, Mike!

Oxford English Dictionary to Add the Word ‘Manties’?

In an article published by the WSJ, there’s a debate going on over whether the words ‘manties,’ (men’s panties), ‘mantyhose’, (men’s pantyhose?) and ‘mewelry’ (you get the jist) are legitimate enough to be included in the Oxford English Dictionary (OED). Apparently, the OED is ‘tracking them for possible inclusion.’

But there are rules to get into the be-all and end-all of dictionaries, and so far, ‘manbag’ is the only one of these words to have been included, and this happened five years ago. (It’s synonym ‘murse,’ however, has been disqualified.)

To be accepted into the OED, there must be ‘evidence of a word’s usage over a 10-year period, before considering it for inclusion.’ Meaning if we really want to use ‘mantyhose’ in scrabble without being challenged, i’ll have to say it for at least another 9 years and 364 days, since this WSJ article could very well be the first time someone put that in print.

Here’s one person – one of many, most likely – who’s not on board: GQ style advice columnist Glenn O’Brien, who says, “Manties is pretty high on the repellent meter.”

65 Cheers to Indian Independence


Today is India’s sixty-fifth Independence Day, and while we brag about Taj Mahal or the Himalayas, we’re just lucky God dropped them within our borders. But they’ve existed since forever.
I was going through the Mumbai Mirror and there’s so much that happened since 1947.

So here are 65 candles to light (or reasons to tilt your glass and a raise a toast… oops! It’s a dry day) to celebrate India’s achievements; I’m hardly patriotic, but these days bring out that side of me…

1. We are the only nation in the world which gave every adult the right to vote from its first day. In the US the world’s second largest democracy this right was given more than 150 years after their independence.
2. Just after birth we executed the world’s largest merger and acquisition activity, when 560 small princely states joined (merged) into the Union of India. Hardly any blood was spilt, nor any bullet fired.
3. We have the most number of languages spoken in any one nation; 29 languages are spoken in India, by more than one million people each. Canada almost broke up into two in 1960s because of tension between English and French.
4. More than 1,650 dialects spoken.
5. Fifteen major bloodless changes of power (Lok Sabha) at the Centre. Thailand has had 18 military coups since 1990.
6. Constitution drafted by a Dalit.
7. We have largest number of ethnic groups.
8. Largest diversity of races.
9. Largest number of elected persons in the world (one million), thanks to Panchayati Raj.
10. Largest number of elected women (panchayats, etc).
11. Among the very first countries to have woman head of State.
12. Has elected woman as Speaker, and President. Four major States have women CM, so also leader of Opposition.
13. One of only three countries that refused to sign Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty on matter of principle.
14. Developed nuclear technology indigenously under world boycott.
15. Lowest cost producer of nuclear energy ($ 1700 per kilowatt).
16. Only country to develop thorium-based nuclear power.
17. Among first country to develop satellite for domestic communication.
18. Lowest cost launcher of commercial satellites into space.
19. One of only five nations to launch nuclear submarine.
20. One of only five nations to send unmanned mission to moon.
21. Lowest cost producer of steel.
22. Of aluminium.
23. Of cement.
24. Of fertilizer.
25. Largest single location copper smelter.
26. Lowest cost delivery of wireless telephony.
27. Fastest growing telecom market.
28. Biggest user of the “missed call”.
29. World’s lowest cost supercomputer.
30. Lowest cost car (Nano).
31. World’s largest producer of two-wheelers.
32. Lowest cost high-quality eye surgery.
33. Record number of daily cataract operations, at one per cent cost of UK.
34. Largest single location oil refinery capacity nearly 70m tonnes.
35. Largest milk producer (100m tonnes).
36. Largest butter producer.
37. World’s largest milk producing cooperative (2.6 million members).
38. Among the largest producer and consumer of pulses.
39. Second largest producer of sugar.
40. Third largest producer of cotton.
41. Largest importer of gold (700 tonnes).
42. Largest consumer of gold.
43. 90% of all diamonds polished and processed here.
44. Third largest stock exchange (by number of transactions).
45. Largest No. of post offices (1.5 lakh).
46. Largest number of bank account holders.
47. Largest number of agricultural plot holders (100 million).
48. Largest inward remittance receiver from non-residents ($52 billion).
49. Largest intra-country remittances.
50. World’s third largest railway network.
51. Largest single employer Indian Railways (1.5 million).
52. Highest number of daily train passengers.
53. World’s second largest airport (Delhi).
54. Among world’s highest bridge (near Leh).
55. World’s highest motorable pass (Khardung La at 5600m).
56. World’s largest number of movies produced annually.
57. India’s mid-day meal scheme is world’s biggest school lunch programme (120 million meals served daily).
58. National Rural Employment Programme largest in the world.
59. Third highest run getter in Test cricket.
60. Highest No. of Test and ODI centuries.
61. Winner of cricket World Cup twice.
62. Kumbh Mela is world’s largest religious congregation – 30 million pilgrims. Event mostly incident free.
63. Largest number of independently owned newspapers.
64. Home of the sachet revolution and micro finance.
65. Among a handful countries with fundamental right to information.

Happy Birthday, FREE India! Cheers…. (It’s still a dry day???…damn!)

Thomas Muller’s Parents Are In Kerala

So I don’t know why Thomas Muller‘s parents in Kerala makes me so happy, but anyway, feels like I’m closer to him through them ahahahhahahaaa (I really like this guy O.O)

Golden Boot winner Thomas Muller’s parents are holidaying Kerala and they will be present for the Nehru Trophy Boat Race in Alappuzha in August.

Gerhard and Klaudia Muller, reached Kochin couple of days back, and will be seeing the country’s premier water sporting event from a house boat on the Punnamada lake, a  little birdy told me. They will also be at Kovalam beach resort before returning to Germany.

The Mullers are latest among a list of international celebrities who visited the state in the last few years including Beatles member Paul McCartney and Rock legend Sting.

5 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Journalist

So you’ve been eyeing that smart, attractive journalist you’re lucky enough to know personally. You’re intrigued. Your journalist is smart, funny, and confident.

Who can blame you? JOURNALISM IS A SEXY OCCUPATION!!

But journalists aren’t like the bimbos you usually pick up at the bar. Nor are they the blondes you men continually fall for. No, journalists are different beings (which is why you’re attracted to them in the first place), and you should realize – before jumping in – that this isn’t going to be a run-of-the-mill, boring, lame relationship you’re used to.

Here’s what YOU NEED TO KNOW

1.  We can figure things out: Understand, we’re paid to dig deep, find the secrets and wade through bullshit. We can pick up on subtleties, so what you think you are hiding from us won’t be hidden for long.

We don’t take shit from anyone, so don’t lie to us or give a load of bullshit. We spend all day separating fact from fiction, listening to PR cronies and dealing with slimy politicians.
If you make us do the same with you, you’re just gonna piss us off. And don’t think we’ll be quiet about it. We’ll respond with the vengeance of an Op-Ed page railing against society’s injustices – and we’ll enjoy doing it.
Just tell us the truth. WE CAN HANDLE IT.

2. At some point, you will be a topic: Either through a feature story or an opinion column, something you do or say will be a subject. Get over it. Consider it a compliment, even if we’re arguing against you in print.

Think about it: we live our lives writing about life. If you’re a part of our life, we’re going to write about you, your thoughts or a subject springing from one of the two.

3. Yes, we think We’re Smarter Than You: In fact, we know it. Does that smack off ego? Absolutely – but that confidence is what makes your heart go pitter-patter.

We have a strong, working knowledge of how the world works. That makes us great in conversation. We can delve into the intricacies of zoning laws, local and national politics, where to find the good restaurants, what’s happening with pop culture, where the good bands are playing and more.

But there are PITFALLS.
Guaranteed, when you say ‘towards,’ we will automatically say ‘toward’ — ‘towards’ is not a word. We’re not trying to call you dumb (even though you don’t understand the English language), it’s habit.

The fact that you sit in a coffee shop wearing black while scribbling in your journal does not make you a writer. Nor does the fact that you “wrote some poems in high school” or that one day you want to pen “the great Indian novel.”

Look, we’re paid to write. Everyday. What’s more, our writing matters. It changes opinions, affects decisions and connects people with the world around them.

You may have some great journal entries, poems and rudimentary short stories – good for you. Just don’t assume we’ll accept that as on par with what we do (unless you’re really hot, then hell, you’re a better writer than I).

4. You’re not less important than the job – the job is just more important than anything else: One doesn’t become a journalist to sit in an office from 9 to 5 Monday through Friday. We do take our work home. If news is happening, we’ll drop whatever we’re doing – even if it’s with you – to cover it. We’re always looking for stories, so yes, we’ll stop on the street to write something down, interview a passer-by or gather information for a lead.

On that same note, don’t get upset if you call us on deadline suggesting some afternoon nookie and we say, “I’ve got to put the paper to bed first.” That could mean hours from now, but we’ll have plenty of time to put you in bed later.

Aaaaaand….Finally!

5. You won’t be disappointed. Journalists are intense, driven, passionate folk: We carry those same attributes into our relationships, making it an extremely fun ride well worth the price of admission. Our lives are never boring and each day is different.

If the pitfalls are scaring you away, consider this:

The fact that we’re inquisitive means we’ll listen to you. Even if it does seem like an interview, we’re paying attention to what you have to say (see rule No. 1).

We’ll write about you or your thoughts because you’re an important part of our life and we care about you (see rule No. 2).

Our brains are a great resource. Ever go on a date with an attractive person and wind up wishing you hadn’t because everything they say is just, well, stupid? That’s not going to happen here (see rule No. 3).

Yes, it may seem that we put the job ahead of you, but we’re driven. You’re not with that loser whose life is going nowhere and who’s completely content being mediocre (see rule No. 4).

There you go, five things you should know before dating a journalist. Feel free to add to the list, point out where I’ve missed something or leave a comment. And yes, men (let me stress on MEN, not boys!!) , I’m single (see rule No. 5).