Extremely Disappointing Facts About Popular Music

  • 1. Creed has sold more records in the US than Jimi Hendrix

    Creed has sold more records in the US than Jimi Hendrix

  • 2. Led Zeppelin, REM, and Depeche Mode have never had a number one single, Rihanna has 10

    Led Zeppelin, REM, and Depeche Mode have never had a number one single, Rihanna has 10

  • 3. Ke$ha’s “Tik-Tok” sold more copies than ANY Beatles single

    Ke$ha's “Tik-Tok” sold more copies than ANY Beatles single

  • 4. Flo Rida’s “Low” has sold 8 million copies – the same as The Beatles’ “Hey Jude”

    Flo Rida's “Low” has sold 8 million copies – the same as The Beatles' “Hey Jude”

  • 5. The Black Eyed Peas’ “I Gotta Feeling” is more popular than any Elvis or Simon & Garfunkel song

    The Black Eyed Peas' “I Gotta Feeling” is more popular than any Elvis or Simon & Garfunkel song

  • 6. Celine Dion’s “Falling Into You” sold more copies than any Queen, Nirvana, or Bruce Springsteen record

    Celine Dion's “Falling Into You” sold more copies than any Queen, Nirvana, or Bruce Springsteen record

  • 7. Same with Shania Twain’s “Come On Over”

    Same with Shania Twain's “Come On Over”

  • 8. Katy Perry holds the same record as Michael Jackson for most number one singles from an album

    Katy Perry holds the same record as Michael Jackson for most number one singles from an album

  • 9. Barbra Streisand has sold more records (140 million) than Pearl Jam, Johnny Cash, and Tom Petty combined

    Barbra Streisand has sold more records (140 million) than Pearl Jam, Johnny Cash, and Tom Petty combined

  • 10. People actually bought Billy Ray Cyrus’ album “Some Gave All…” 20 million people. More than any Bob Marley album

    People actually bought Billy Ray Cyrus' album “Some Gave All...” 20 million people. More than any Bob Marley album

  • 11. The cast of “Glee” has had more songs chart than the Beatles

    The cast of “Glee” has had more songs chart than the Beatles

  • 12. This guy exists.

    This guy exists. 

    That is all.

     

    Thanks, Dave!

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Crave Attention? Launch a Fragrance

OMG! A few days ago, in an item about Paris Hilton helping open a shopping mall in Poland, you said, “Coming soon, Kim Kardashian appears at a milkshake bar opening in Dubai,” and here she is!

Who would have thought you were serious about that?

Come on, it wasn’t hard to predict. I mean, the woman was married less than two months ago, she is thought to be the highest-paid reality star on television, so why wouldn’t she go to Dubai to promote a milkshake bar? It just makes sense.

But if she craves attention so badly, why doesn’t she launch a fragrance, like Jennifer Aniston and Katy Perry and everybody else did?

Get with the program. Kim already launched a fragrance, four months ago.

I missed that. What about Paris Hilton, then? Can we expect a fragrance from her?

Sigh. Paris launched her fragrance years ago.

Say, Kymberlee, why don’t you have your own fragrance, if every other doofus gets one? It’s just the sort of flimflam we’d expect from you.

I do have one. You haven’t tried SARCASM, by Kymberlee? It hasn’t done very well, despite a serious ad campaign on rural billboards and a promotional tie-in with a popular brand of flip-flops.

What is the memorable catch phrase you use in your ads?

“Who wouldn’t want to smell like this?”

Gosh, it’s hard to believe folks didn’t go for that!

See, the SARCASM is spreading already.